Are Your Goals Interfering With Your Happiness?

If you think that you’ll finally be happy when you reach your next goal, this message is for you.  

Don’t get me wrong, it’s important to have goals and work towards them. In fact, it’s one of the most important parts of life. I place a very high value on growth, learning, and progress in whatever direction you’ve decided is important to you. 

However, the setting and pursuit of goals is completely separate from happiness. Read on, and I’ll show you how you can start to be happy now, and why it’ll help you reach your goals even faster. 

The trap: “I’ll be happy when…”

My real life will finally start after I get my degree. After I get a real job. After I lose 20 pounds. After I get that promotion. After I get married. After I have kids. After my kids go to college. After I retire. That’s when I can finally be happy. 

Can you identify with any of these thoughts? I sure can. 

I see a lot of people who are unhappy with their lives, because they think that they’re just one step away from finally “making it.” One goal away from happiness. Those who are lucky enough to hit those goals often find that they’re still not satisfied. 

Some of the richest, most successful people are the most unhappy. Why is this? We look at them and their accomplishments, and we think that even a fraction of that would be life-changing for us. It’s mind-boggling how they can still think that they’re not good enough, they’re not wealthy enough, they haven’t achieved enough. 

These people are highly goal-oriented. All they know is the pursuit of their goals. In those moments, they think that reaching the goal will make them happy. 

But in reality, the only mental habit they’re building is the feeling of not being happy YET. 

I’m going to say that again. If you’re constantly looking to the future and thinking that happiness is going to come when you reach a certain point, you’re only ever reinforcing the idea that you’re not happy yet. 

If the only thing you’ve ever felt is that you’re going to be happy later, why would that change after reaching your goal? Why would you suddenly start feeling happy, when all you’ve ever felt is a lack of happiness? 

So what’s the alternative? 

Let’s take a step back for a moment and think about what goal-setting really means. Let’s pick an easy one and say your goal is to lose 20 pounds. Lots of people want to lose weight.

Why did you pick this goal? Are people 20 pounds lighter than you inherently happier? Of course not. Your weight is just a number representing your relationship with gravity. It’s just a number. The goal itself is something that you’ve picked because of how you think you’ll FEEL once you get there. 

You didn’t pick this goal because you care about the number. You picked this goal because you want to feel a certain way. You probably want to feel healthier, or more attractive. And you think that reaching the goal is going to help you feel that way. 

But wouldn’t it be great if you could feel that way right now? 

This is what really excites me about the power of the human mind, and the work I do with people. You CAN feel that way right now. You don’t have to wait until you hit your goal before you start feeling the way you want to feel. And I’m about to tell you two ways you can get there. 

First, you’ve made the decision to improve yourself in some way. You’ve already done the hard part. So give yourself some fucking credit! You may not be able to be happy that you’ve lost the weight (yet), but you can absolutely be happy that you’re going to. Every workout you do, every portion you reduce, every dessert you skip (or share), is a reason for you to feel healthier and more attractive before the number on the scale ever changes. 

The second way, and my personal favorite, is this. Whatever you tell your subconscious, it will start looking for reasons to believe. That’s right. You’ve been telling yourself for years, “I’m not successful yet,” and “I will be happy AFTER I accomplish this thing.” Fuck that. Pick some more empowering thoughts, and set aside time every day to rehearse them. 

You can start changing your beliefs, right now, by changing your thoughts. If a declarative statement sounds like a lie, start by asking yourself some more empowering questions. In our example, this could look like “what evidence do I have that I’m healthy?” or “what evidence do I have that I’m attractive?” 

Has anyone ever given you a compliment? Have you ever been in a relationship, or even on a date? Has a baby ever stared at you? If so, you’re in luck. Those are all pieces of evidence that you’re attractive. Did you know that infants as early as a few days old prefer to look at attractive faces? If not, you do now. You’re welcome. 

If you find it hard at first, that’s okay. If you can’t find any evidence today, don’t give up. Just ask the questions. That’s your only job. Your subconscious mind will search for evidence, and it will find it. Maybe the next time you’re out at the store, you’ll realize that cute guy or girl down the aisle has been sneaking glances at you while you try to figure out which apple is the reddest. 

Why do I need to be happy anyway? It’s results that matter. 

Maybe you’ve given up on happiness. Maybe you think it’s just not in the cards for you because you’ve never had it, or because you did and lost it. Maybe you think you don’t deserve it. 

In any of these cases, it might make sense to just forget about it altogether and focus on outcomes instead. Maybe that’s why you’re so goal-oriented in the first place. 

But what if I told you that you could perform better, and hit your goals more quickly? Would you be interested in that? 

There are numerous studies out there that show happier people are not only more productive, but are also more resilient and live longer. 

You’ll not only reach your goals faster, but you’ll be less likely to give up AND you’ll have more years ahead of you. Years with which you can set, pursue, and achieve more goals. 

Look to the future, but remember to enjoy the present. 

I’m all about people getting what they want out of life. I do everything I can do to guide, inspire, and encourage people to accomplish everything they want to accomplish. It’s kind of my thing. I want to give everyone the tools they need to get what they want. 

But what are all of your accomplishments worth if you are miserable? Quite a bit less, in my opinion. 

So as you go out there and work towards the life you want to build for yourself, remember to enjoy the life you have right now.

Or one day you will look back and wish you had.